


Saudade

by Soarlexa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 90000000 years of slow burn, Childhood Friends, Daddy Issues, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Mommy Issues, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, haikyuu boys ruin your life, no beta we die like men, so many feelings, travel buddies, ur mom leaves asf lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soarlexa/pseuds/Soarlexa
Summary: 𝘀𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗮𝗱𝗲/souˈdädə/↳ [a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves.]↬ "⃣you felt your heart shattered in millions of pieces, and your eyes shone with the wetness of tears. yet, something about oikawa was still intriguing. you couldn't let the image of him go, nor the pictures holding memories of what you once were. and surprisingly, neither could he. "⃣an oikawa & reader & slight! sugawara( ' ▽ ' )ﾉ by soarlexa on WP & ao3
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Kudos: 9





	1. Kids

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»  
SEVEN YEARS BEFORE THE INCIDENT  
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

  
"Where are we going? I want to know already!" You exclaimed, both hands on the window of the bus, face plastered against it. It passed by small convenience stores, busy streets, and fields, and you took in all of the scenery as you went by.

A smile crept onto your face as your dad ruffled your hair in the slightest, pulling you to sit back down right in your seat, so you wouldn't fall.

  
"Well, I figured that just because we moved to Japan, doesn't mean you have to give up one of your favorite things. That's all I'm gonna say," He grinned, upon seeing the confused features on your small face.

Once the bus had come to an abrupt stop, you held onto his hand, hopping off of the steps and onto the sidewalk. Your dad guided you to what seemed to be the outside of a small gymnasium, and there were many kids with their parents outside as well. The adults were talking amongst one another, while the children engaged in cheery conversation.

Taking a second to look around - mainly to try and figure out where you were - you began walking with your dad to the big double doors. However, the second you had stepped inside, a small figure slammed into yours and both of you went tumbling to the ground.

"Hey! Ow!" You rubbed your arm, glaring at the other kid.

The kid was a boy, and looked to be your age, another seven-year-old. He had wavy brown hair that looked messy - most likely due to his running, - tan skin that had small bruises blooming on his knees and forearms, and chocolate-brown eyes that seemed alight with happiness.

He looked at you inquisitively, his cheeks a little flushed due to his running, and he finally grinned and held out his hand as he stood up.

"Hi! Sorry for that. What's your name?" He questioned, as he helped you up off of the floor of what you now saw was, indeed, a gymnasium.

"(Surname Name). Yours? What are we doing? No one's telling me," You turned your shoulder to look at your dad, who had a concerned expression after seeing you fall, turning heel to walk over to you and the mysterious boy. However, he stopped in his tracks an older man called his name.

The two men looked at each other with a great deal of surprise, which thereafter turned into a look of excitement, and they began talking. Your dad still kept an eye on you however, his gaze shifting towards you every few seconds.

"Hi (Name)-chan! I'm Oikawa. And we're doing serving practice! Wanna help me by receiving?" He asked, his eyes shimmering with excitement. You, on the other hand, were speechless.

"We're playing volleyball?" You asked cautiously, but you could feel excitement bubbling up inside you as well. You had just started volleyball classes when suddenly you got the news you would be moving to Japan, and you had been nervous that when you moved, you wouldn't be able to continue. However, as Oikawa nodded in response to your question, you beamed.

"Yay! Sure! I love volleyball!" You began walking with him towards another section of the gymnasium, where you could see a net and multiple other kids your age practicing as well. There were kids doing serves, kids setting to each other, kids trying to spike over the net that had been lowered for their convenience.

It looked like paradise to you, and you couldn't help but pick up a stray volleyball yourself what it seemed like the first time in ages. Oikawa now seemed to be intrigued by you and wondered how skilled you were in terms of the game, but didn't say much yet. His eyes fell upon another boy walking over to him, and he giggled.

"Iwa-chan! Look, I found someone to help me serve!" Oikawa pointed at you, and the other boy turned to look at you, with an expression of surprise.

  
"You're new. I'm Iwaizumi," He stated quietly, his eyes still trained on you. You smiled at him, playing with the volleyball in your hands.

  
"I'm (Surname)! Nice to meet you Iwai-Iwaizumi-san," You had a little bit of trouble pronouncing his name, which made Oikawa giggle and Iwaizumi glare at him.

"Well, let's see your receives, (Name)-chan!"

Oikawa ran to the other side of the net, having taken the volleyball from your hands. He set himself up in a stance to serve, and hit the ball. His serve was good, if not extremely good for someone of his age and stature. You looked at the way he had been so confident with the hit too, and ran to crouch and receive the ball.

You did so, having a little trouble finding your footing as you did, yet hit the ball up into the air. Also trying to catch it, you failed and it hit the floor first, but Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked at you, with the same admiration you had looked at Oikawa's serve with.

"Wow (Name)-chan, I don't think a lot of us can receive like that! Can you teach us?" Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked over to you as Oikawa asked politely, and you nodded.

"Only if you teach me how to serve!"

After a while of just playing volleyball with the two boys, your dad came over to you with the older man he had been talking to earlier. He laughed seeing you in disarray, and in normal clothes too, while the rest of the kids had sport clothes on.

"(Name)! I see you're already having fun," Your dad shook his head and looked at you, laughing.

"Hi (Surname)!" The older man bent down to look at you, and you turned your head upwards.

"I'm going to be your new coach for volleyball! You can just call me Ukai-sensei," He grinned at you, as you jumped up and down excitedly.

"Yay! Thank you Ukai-sensei!" You bowed in respect. However, after talking to you and your dad about the rules and how it would work, you ran straight to tell Oikawa and Iwaizumi everything, both of them just as excited as you were to begin.

After that day, you and the two boys spent most of your time hanging out with one another, even outside of volleyball as your friendship strengthened. Usually it would be at Iwaizumi's house, but on occasion the three of you would go walking to the nearby Naganuma Futopia Park*. Oikawa would get you and Iwaizumi to jump into the lake, which would always end up with the three of you being scolded later. You'd run around the lake in laps, racing each other to see who could do it faster. You'd look for fish in the river and name them, sometimes even seeing an eel on occasion. It was your happy place with the other two.

Aside from jumping in lakes, playing keidoro**, practicing at Lil Tyke's Volleyball Classroom, and riding your bikes to the convenience stores to buy small treats for one another with whatever yen you had saved, the three of you mostly would always end up at Iwaizumi's house to watch Studio Ghibli movies. Of these, Iwaizumi's favorite was My Neighbor Totoro, Oikawa's was Spirited Away, and yours was Princess Mononoke. The movies would alternate everytime you would go to his house, and you'd all make a pillow fort and watch the movie together.

And so, the three of you became inseparable best friends.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»  
FOUR YEARS BEFORE THE INCIDENT  
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

A few years after your first encounter, Oikawa ran to your house, Iwaizumi dragged along behind him. As you opened the door he was so persistently knocking upon, he ran inside while Iwaizumi apologized.

"(Name)-chan! Guess what?" He exclaimed, clearly out of breath and cheeks flushed from his running. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at him, but you could tell from the excited gleam present in his eyes that there was something great to be told.

"I... got us all tickets to see Japan play Argentina! At the Sendai gymnasium!" Oikawa jumped up and down, fishing three crumpled tickets out of his pocket and handed one to both Iwaizumi and you. You jumped up and down with him, and even Iwaizumi joined in with the laughter that rang out of all three of you.

On the day of the match, Oikawa's older sister (which you and Iwaizumi absolutely adored) took you all on the train to head to the gymnasium. Oikawa kept ranting to both you and Iwaizumi about how excited he was to see a team from overseas play in Japan, and Iwaizumi just listened in and agreed with everything he said, yet he too was almost as excited.

You had gotten the three of you small cheering sticks that read 'Go! Go! Japan!' from the convenience store nearby, and you all ran into the gymnasium, welcoming the bright yet exciting lights of the gym and the squeaky noises of sneakers on the gym floor.

Finding your seats, you all sat down together and ate from Iwaizumi's snack stash - which he had protested - and watched the match with intent, curious, ten-year-old eyes. The more the match dragged out, you noticed Oikawa had taken an extreme liking to the setter of the opposing Argentinian team.

His eyes showed a plethora of emotion as he stared at the man, and he told you how excited he was to get his autograph after the match. Watching Oikawa get excited about volleyball like this - his eyes full of passion and excitement, his loud screams when someone would score a point - it made your cheeks tint red in the slightest. You found him absolutely adorable.

Once the match had ended, Oikawa turned to look at Iwaizumi, only to see that he was gone. Oikawa shook your shoulders, eyes full of concern.

"(Name)-chan! Where'd he go?" Oikawa asked, his eyes darting around the gymnasium stands. You shook your head, not knowing, until you spotted a familiar spiky-haired boy with star-struck eyes as he talked to one of the Japanese players.

"He's down there, Tōru! Let's get him," You grinned mischievously, as you and Oikawa ran down the stairs, and as you reached Iwaizumi, jumped him. He looked behind him startled, and once he saw it was you, lowered his guard but had a visible annoyed look on his face.

"Iwa-chan! Where's the paper for the autograph? I can see Blanco!" Oikawa rushed Iwaizumi, as all he wanted in that moment was the autograph of the setter who had stood out to him all game. Iwaizumi looked at him and smirked.

"I used it."  
"You did what?!"

Oikawa glared at Iwaizumi as he stared down at the paper with the autograph of the Japanese spiker, and he rolled his eyes. Instead of whining to Iwaizumi however, he ran to the Argentinian setter, waiting in line to be able to speak to him or the rest of the team.

Once it was finally his turn, Oikawa looked extremely nervous yet his eyes were full of stars and admiration. Never before had Oikawa wanted to be like someone more, and his face expressed pure joy.

He began spluttering about how he wanted to be a setter too, and how he admired how in sync the setter was with his team. He also pointed out to the other setter how well he seemed to merge with his team, and was able to bring out the best in all of his teammates. Blanco paused for a moment, seemingly attempting to understand the foreign language the younger kid was spewing out. So, stuttering on the pronunciation of the Japanese word, and told Oikawa, "Ganbare***!"

It was safe to say the three of you were starstruck by him, talking about the game the whole way home, and commending Oikawa for getting his autograph - even if it was on his jock-strap. You all stopped by a small grocery store on the way home, buying some shrimp chips (which were Iwaizumi's favorite) and some Pocky sticks to snack on. The sun was already setting as the bus began rolling, making you stare out the window in quiet admiration of the colors.

Oikawa suggested a sleepover at his house after the bus had stopped, so making sure to get permission from your parents and getting your pajamas, snacks, and other things - which included a Sailor Moon pajama, some chips, small onigiri, and a couple magazines - you made your way to his house. Iwaizumi was already there, having borrowed a pair of Oikawa's sweatpants to sleep in, so you made your way to the living room where they were watching Iwaizumi's favorite movie of all time, Godzilla. Oikawa patted the space next to him on the couch so you could sit, and you sat right down, grinning at them.

"How many times have we watched this movie Iwaizumi?"  
"18. And counting," He stated bluntly, his eyes narrowing at you, "Why?"  
"Nothing! Just asking."

You and Oikawa quietly snickered as Iwaizumi glared at the pair of you, before abruptly switching his gaze back towards the TV screen. Oikawa still paid slight attention to the movie, while instead, you had grabbed a small magazine from your bag that you had stashed in there earlier and were filling out the small quizzes in the last few pages of it, asking Oikawa for tips on questions.

"What's a four-legged animal with wings, and its name has seven letters? From mythology of course, it isn't real."  
"(Name)-chan! How do you not know this? It's definitely a griffin."  
"Actually, I thought it was a unicorn."  
"Bet you it's a griffin. Look at the word search words."  
"Nuh-uh. Oh wait."  
 _He's so annoying, but-_  
"Told you so~!"  
- _super cute!_

As you finished, you began reading through the magazine, as your eyes landed on a picture of a famous American singer on stage in Japan, one of your favorites. For a long while, the whole concept of artists and music had become one of your favorite topics, as you sincerely enjoyed both.

From a really young age, you had been able to already start out with playing piano and guitar - easy songs of course - and you loved to sing. However, you had never really pursued it as something you could plausibly do later on, since you had focused your energy on volleyball, friends, and school.

Not only that, your mom was extremely strict, and believed that a singing career would get you nowhere, so there was no worth in it or even trying. While your dad would love it, she would hate when you'd talk about how it would be amazing to make your own music and sing one day.

Therefore, you had limited your talent, and simply chose to listen to the music of others, discouraged from even trying to pursue your very own talent. However, whenever your gaze would land on a person of talent with regards to music or artistry, your eyes sparkled in admiration, which did not slip the attentive side glance that was Oikawa's.

"What are you looking at?" Oikawa peered over at your magazine, and you folded it and shifted away from him, sticking your tongue out.  
"None of your business."  
"Whatever, I saw it anyway. You like artists like her?"  
You felt your cheeks turn red in embarrassment and rolled your eyes.  
"Yeah, so?"  
"You'd probably be better. Iwa-chan and I like your singing," He smiled, sending your ten-year-old heart beating far too quickly.

It wasn't like you were a singing prodigy, at least not then. It was a bit early, anyways. However on occasion, Oikawa and Iwaizumi would listen to you singing before volleyball practice at the gymnasium, whether you were taking out volleyballs for the rest of the kids or practicing serves to rival Oikawa, and wouldn't walk in until you were finished simply because they loved it and thought it was so honey-sweet and calming.

"Thank you," You stated quietly, a small smile gracing your lips, while Iwaizumi nodded absentmindedly.

Once the movie was over, the three of you made your way over to Oikawa's room where he had already set up two small inflatable mattresses next to his bed for the two of you to sleep on. You had always really loved his room, from the alien posters he had plastered on his wall above his bed, to the moon rug on his floor, to the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling.

The stars especially you liked, yet always forgot to ask your parents for some to put in your room. They felt familiar and comforting to you, for reasons unknown. You and Iwaizumi flopped on the mattresses and curled up under your respective blankets, while Oikawa clambered into bed, facing the two of you on the floor.

"Wanna play DS? I got Super Mario 64, we could finish it," Oikawa suggested, which earned laughs and nods from you and Iwaizumi. He adjusted himself so he could lay comfortably, and smirked.

"(Surname)-chan is terrible at it though."  
"Hey! Rude. And very untrue."  
"Sure."

Iwaizumi passed the DS's from the corner of the room to you and Oikawa, keeping his and putting in his game cartridge. Once the game loaded in, the three of you played for a few hours, defeating bosses and laughing at each other when the other died in-game. Once the game was ⅔ finished, you all finally decided it was time to go to sleep, since it was already two in the morning. Iwaizumi rolled over on his side, pulling the hood of his hoodie over his head and curling up.

You and Oikawa stayed up talking for a little while, about school or friends or volleyball. You felt comfortable talking to him, always feeling like you were genuinely happy. Finally, the two of you were getting tired too, and made yourselves comfortable in your respective little beds, a bit of quiet enveloping the room. In a few minutes, you thought he had already gone to sleep, until he spoke up in a whisper.

"(Surname)-chan, wanna know what Iwa-chan and I decided earlier? Before you came?"

He was a little quiet, and Iwaizumi rustled on his mattress. Oikawa wasn't a very perceptive person, but he knew you had understood his question, so he continued.

"When we grow up, we're going to volleyball nationals. In highschool. You in?" His huge grin seemed to make his small face glow in the dark of his room. He felt warm and sincere, looking at you. And you couldn't resist his question.

"Definitely."

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

* Naganuma Futopia Park - A real park nearby in the Miyagi Prefecture in Japan. You can look it up! :)  
** keidoro - Japanese version of tag!  
*** ganbare - "give it your best!" (Japanese)


	2. Home

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»  
ONE YEAR BEFORE THE INCIDENT  
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"Tōru! What are you doing?" You stared at Oikawa sitting on your bed with a guitar in hand, attempting to strum it and make pretty tunes like the ones you'd make to no avail.

"Teach me, (Name)-chan~! I don't even know how to do this," He pouted at you, and you laughed.  
 _What an idiot._

Sitting on your bed, you positioned his fingers on the fingerboard, moving them along so every time his other hand brushed the strings, pretty notes would ring out. He moved your hand and stuck out his tongue at you, attempting to do it himself, and yet again failing without your guidance. This made you laugh to no end, earning glares and more persistent strumming to prove you wrong.

"You're just naturally good, it's not fair," He rolled his eyes and finally stood up from the bed, looking down at you.

"I practice, you know," You rolled your eyes, and he was quiet for a minute.

"Sure you do. Regardless, it's amazing."

"Says the one who's amazing at volleyball. Speaking of which, we should get on our way to your game! Who are we playing again?" You also stood up from your bed, grabbing a manga novel from your desk and stuffing it into your book bag to read at the game if you got bored. This earned a frown from Oikawa, and he combed his fingers through his chocolate hair.

"Chidoriyama. They're really good, so we'll see. I'm better," He smirked, his facial features confident, and you giggled.  
 _You are._

"Sure thing Tōru."

The two of you made your way to the train station, so they could begin heading in the direction of the gymnasium his game would take place at. Kitagawa First was known for being an extremely talented middle school when it came to volleyball, and both Oikawa and Iwaizumi had their hearts set on becoming the best volleyball players they could be. This would start in Kitagawa of course, so they could test their talents, strengths, and weaknesses.

Though you loved volleyball, you had become more interested in your musical talents and had practiced them to the extent that you'd cancel plans with the boys to simply sit in your room and play an instrument for hours on end. You never really talked to the other two about it though, since they were more interested in sports than you would ever really be. Regardless, you did join the Kitagawa First girl's volleyball team, and were signed up as their libero.

You and Oikawa stood together on the train, talking about miscellaneous things such as what you'd want for dinner after the match and what grade you both had gotten on the math test last week. The train ride wasn't long, and soon enough you had arrived at the station. Oikawa helped you off the train and the two of you began walking towards the gymnasium, Oikawa holding his satchel with his uniform, you holding your face as it was slightly blushing due to his helping you.  
Stupid-kawa.

"Oikawa! (Surname)! What took you so long, idiots?" Iwaizumi approached the two of you, already wearing his jersey and his familiar frown on his face.

"Sorry Iwa-chan! (Name)-chan let me use her guitar for once," Oikawa grinned at you and you grinned back, your face still a light tint of red. As the three of you began walking inside, you heard the familiar sounds of boys shouting "nice kill" or "left." You welcomed the warm bright lights yet again and hugged the two boys, wishing them good luck in their match against the opposing highschool. You settled yourself up on the stands, peering down at the other team.

They looked pretty tall, with the exception of one person: a boy with the libero jersey, black hair and a unique dyed strand of blonde in it. Finally, you saw Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and the rest of the team walk out onto the court, Oikawa fixing Iwaizumi's jersey with annoyed jabs from Iwaizumi, from what you could tell.

The sound of the whistle pulled you from your manga as the match began, and Oikawa initiated with his extremely impressive serve. However, you had originally expected it to land on the other side, but instead it was received by the small libero you had seen earlier.

He was extremely quick and his reflexes were just as fast, which impressed you as a libero yourself. As the match continued, Oikawa was visibly nervous, as his serves weren't working as well as they usually would on the little libero. Therefore, he began to rely solely on Iwaizumi, setting to him when possible, knowing his teammate would spike it down on the other side.

The match finished with Kitagawa winning the first and third sets, and Chidoriyama winning the second. You stuffed your manga back in the bag, making your way down the stands and into the hallway to greet the two boys once they were finally done. However, before you saw them, you noticed the little libero running in the hall, his teammates behind him, all looking extremely angry. Yet, upon seeing you, he stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened, looking visibly nervous.

"Hi! Nishinoya-san, I think it was? You were really good out there!" You smiled at him, and a huge blush spread across his face, his teammates quietly laughing at his reaction.

"T-Thank you! We still lost though," He muttered, his eyes averted from yours and you waved it off.

"So what? Practice a bit more and I'm sure you'll do great. Speaking of which, if you ever have time on your hands, I'd love to practice receiving with you! I'm a libero myself," You grinned and extended your flip phone, "Mind giving me your number?"

At this point, Nishinoya's face was extremely flushed, taking your phone and typing in his number before handing your phone back to you.

"Thank you," He bowed, "What's your name?"

"(Surname Name)! Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, (Surname)-san."

He bid you a red-faced goodbye as his friends laughed at him, loudly now, and you walked off to find Oikawa and Iwaizumi. It was easy to find them, among the other Kitagawa players, and you waved at them. Iwaizumi spotted you first, and began hauling Oikawa to where you were, smiling.

"We did it (Surname)! We won," Iwaizumi grinned and you fist bumped him, and saw that Oikawa was smiling just as much as he was.

"Told you I'd win," He said smugly, but fist bumped you too.

_Never doubted it._

They waved goodbye to the rest of their teammates and began walking with you back to the train station, while Iwaizumi was explaining plays that they used during the match and Oikawa was eating an onigiri he had saved as a snack afterwards. However, right before you stepped on the train, you received a phone call. You looked at Oikawa and Iwaizumi and mouthed for them to wait a minute or two since you didn't want to get on a busy train on the phone. You checked the caller, and you relaxed a little. It was your dad.

Picking up, his voice sounded from the other side, but instead of staying in your relaxed state, you felt yourself become nervous and sweaty, your hair on end. He sounded nothing like himself, most definitely not happy.  
 _What?_

"(Name), I need you home now. I have to talk to you about something," He stated, his voice laced with sadness yet feigned neutrality. Your heart dropped, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi became concerned as you looked so concerned yourself.  
 _What's going on?_

"What happened? Was it something I did? Do you need anything? I'm getting on the train now," You rushed, motioning for Oikawa and Iwaizumi to hop on the train as you did so yourself, and you settled on an empty seat as the two boys stood in confusion as they stared down at you.  
 _What happened?_

"It was nothing you did. Just come home," He sighed, his voice cracking on the last word.  
"Okay. I'll be there soon."

_What do I do?_

Oikawa and Iwaizumi sat with you, the three of you trying to figure out what it could be. They ruled out anything that regarded him being mad at you or disappointed with you, so it had to be some other familial reason.  
 _Oh, no. Please not that. Anything but that._

Suddenly though, you felt your heart rip in half as you began to discern what could have happened, what most likely happened.  
 _Not that._

"(Name)-chan, what's wrong? Don't worry too much yet! Stay positive," Oikawa rubbed your back with care and frowned, concerned, as Iwaizumi just looked confused, trying to figuratively decode the message of your dad's call. You shook your head, and started to feel the beginnings of a headache, nausea and nervousness taking up your whole being.

"I think I know. I'll call you later if I'm right," You whispered quietly, your mind wracking with a pool of thoughts you were hoping were to be confirmed false. There could be no other reason for your dad to act that way.

The rest of the train ride was very quiet, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi frightened by their many ideas of what could be happening.

Once it was over, Iwaizumi split to walk home after a while since he lived in a different, but close neighborhood to you and Oikawa, since Oikawa lived in the house in front and to the slight right of yours. So, making your way back home, Oikawa finally broke the silence that had enveloped the two of you.

"I got your back if you need it, whatever it is," He said, his eyes a melted-chocolate color in the streetlights of the neighborhood. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and averted his eyes from you thereafter, his face unreadable.

"Thanks, Tōru. It means a lot," You offered with a small smile, which was all you could really say and do with your heart in a knot. Your heart beat faster after his comment, but all you allowed yourself to feel was glad to have an great best friend by your side.

He stood by your door as you said goodbye, giving you a final hug before leaving. However, as he let go of you, he noticed something was already missing from your house, yet decided not to mention a thing. He had his suspicions, and they were already being confirmed.

You closed the door behind you as you walked inside, and your heart finally shattered. On the floor was pieces of glass and broken photo frames, strewn across the floor. The tension in the air was thick, and as you finally saw your dad sitting at the kitchen table, it was too much.

He looked up from the kitchen table he had been staring at intensively, his eyes showing all you needed to know.

"I'm really sorry, (Name). She left."

It was just like that. Those few words threw a spear in you, choking you up and making the pain in your head unbearable. However, you decided to disregard emotion for that moment, staring at your hands.

"It was bound to happen." You breathed out, fidgeting with the sleeves of your shirt. It wasn't an uncomfortable quiet that settled, but one that was unwelcome, unwanted, frightening. Your dad stood up from the table, walked over to where you stood, and enveloped you in a hug that you never wanted to evade.

Your arms instinctively wrapped around him, your eyes red, pushing back tears that needed to be released. You stood there for five minutes as you dad quietly explained to you what happened, his voice just as broken or more than your own.

Your mom was gone. She had taken her things and packed, and when your dad had found her, she was about ready to leave. After years of fighting between them, her controlling of you and your education, talents, dreams, and goals, after her being tired of you and tired of your dad, she was done. As unfair as it was, really. He had tried to reason with her, asking her to stay for your sake, but you knew yourself that he was wrong to say that, as it would only make things worse.

And it did. Once the shouting and throwing of the photos was done, she left without another word, and that was it.

So there you stood. Broken, confused, and hurt, your world finally tainted with the coming-of-age experience far too soon.

So there you stood, for an hour, your dad and yourself consoling one another by each other's presence. It was over, but it stung.

After a long talk, a clean-up of the mess she had left behind her, the only things left behind that were broken were the two human beings in the house. Once that was done, you finally excused yourself for a few hours to go to Oikawa's house. It was really all you wanted at that moment, the need to cry threatening you with every step you took.

When you finally reached his door, he was already waiting when you knocked to spring it wide open. His face softened when he saw yours, pulling you into a hug in front of his house.  
 _He knows me._

"My mom left."  
"Oh, (Name)-chan."

That was really all it took. The comfort you felt in his arms allowed you to finally be able to cry. Being in your own house suffocated you with the memories of your mom, but being in his welcoming embrace made you feel so safe.

And you sobbed. For an hour, Oikawa sat you down on the steps in front of his house, your head on his shoulder, tears dripping onto his shirt. It was his favorite shirt too, the one with an alien on it he refused to stop wearing even when it became one size too small for him. At a simple thirteen years old, you felt more comfortable in the arms of your best friend than the house you had known since childhood. He had his arms around you, but didn't say a word, and this time, the quiet was welcome. It was nice.

Once your tears slowed, you wiped your face and looked at him, his face offering you a smile that you returned.

"Hey, don't worry too much anymore. She's gone; that's true. But you have your dad, you have Iwaizumi, and you have me!" He grinned, standing up and extending his hand to help you up as well.

"Yeah, that's true. Thank you," You felt your face turn red, and silently thanked the night for allowing darkness to cover it.

"You wanna come inside? I wanted to show you something that I bought anyways," He said, pulling the door wide-open this time.

"Sure! I have to be home in a couple hours though, since it's already like 8 pm."

Making your way to his room, you noticed no one else was home since his sister was probably out studying and his mom was running errands. You had wondered how it must be really hard having one parent a long time ago when you and Oikawa first met, and unfortunately now you would know yourself.

The familiar yellow glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling were comforting, and you noticed a large cardboard box laid on his bed. You raised an eyebrow at this, and Oikawa laughed.

"You can open it. I got it sort of for both of us, you'll see," He hinted, a glint of mischief in his eyes. You smiled and started opening it, and gasped.

It was a guitar case. You hurriedly opened the clasps, eager to see the instrument inside, though you could already tell what it would probably look like from spending hours practicing with it. Oikawa was grinning behind you, staring down at the case as well.

It was beautiful. You pulled an acoustic guitar from the box, admiring it and the new-looking shine and the smell itself was familiar and calming. You felt your face become flushed with red, so you refused to look back at Oikawa until you felt less hot than how you did when you realized why he bought it.

"You actually want to learn? Like, for real?" You turned to look at him, making eye contact with him and smiling. Now it was Oikawa's turn to blush, a light red spreading across his face and he stuck out his tongue.

"Actually, Miss (Name)-chan, I already know how! I just need some, ahem, help," He trailed off, both of you in fits of laughter.

It was almost insane how fast Oikawa got your mind off of something so immensely saddening. Just the fact that he was there for you and helping you get through it made you happy, and the fact he wanted to learn what you were most passionate about? Icing on the wonderful cake that was Oikawa Tōru.

So, you helped. You started off with helping him learn the names of the strings, the movements he should make, how to position his arm, the absolute basics. He was fully paying attention now, his gaze unfaltering as he watched your steady hands showing him how to hold it, use it, and play it.

You both ended up agreeing on the goal of learning more and more together, meeting on Sunday afternoons thereafter.  
  


Already, three hours had passed since you had first arrived at his house, and you were sure you should get going. As if magic, Oikawa had managed to allow you to forget about the troubles that awaited you back in your home, and now they were all hitting you like a pile of bricks stacked up on your heart. Oikawa noticed your discomfort and unease, frowning to himself.

"Do you wanna talk about it at all?" He asked tentatively, placing the guitar back in the case and lying it against a wall of his room. He patted the space next to him on his bed, and you complied and sat there, heaving a heavy sigh.

"It's just weird. Like I knew it would happen just..."

"...not like that and not so soon," Oikawa finished your sentence, as you nodded in response. He scratched the back of his neck nervously, as he didn't want to say anything unless you were comfortable. So you continued.

"I feel like it was my fault," You said quietly, earning a face of surprise on Oikawa's face, as he immediately shook his head.

"Absolutely not. I know what that's like, I've been through the same thing you're going through now. It is not your fault. Not at all," He allowed you to rest your head on his shoulder for a moment, and while all you could think about was how to be okay with what had happened to you, he was thinking about how to make you happy, because he liked your smile so much.  
 _Wait._

Oikawa blushed at the thought, peering down at you through his peripheral vision and rolled his eyes at his own thoughts.  
 _I just need to help her. She needs my help._

After another twenty minutes of talking quietly about the occurrence, you stood up to leave, Oikawa walking you to the door of your house again with his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. You gave him a hug, thanking him for his company and support, which he received gladly and with a giant smile on his face. And so, he left, and you stood there a moment before the door, and decided to make the best of the situation.  
 _She's gone._

Your face cracked a small, crooked smile, half laughing and half frowning at the thought itself. Finally, you were able to pursue what you wanted in life, just without a mother guiding you.

After a few weeks, everything seemed much more normal, if not happier than usual. You began a small YouTube channel to post a few videos of you playing instruments and singing songs (you particularly liked Coldplay songs to use for that, especially when they had a good base part and you were fluent in English). It gained a few subscribers, but it was more so for you to track your progress, seeing as how your main goal was to improve in order to have the substance to make your own music one day.

Oikawa approved very much so of the channel, appearing in one or two of your videos when you would practice guitar with him and laugh at his stubbornness to allow you to help. He started excelling at it though, learning rather quickly and excited to start learning on his own just like you. However, he was still focused on his volleyball, putting that as a priority above all else, practicing daily. You could never commit like that, but admired it instead.

Once December came, you, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi spent more and more time together, as there was much less work to be done until the next school year. You practiced volleyball with them (and Nishinoya, which to your surprise was almost if not better than yourself, even though he was a first year middle schooler and you were a second year). And through it all, you found yourself more and more confused with your feelings on Oikawa, but one thing was for certain: he really did feel comforting. Like home. At least, for a while.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hi!! the next chapter is gonna include the incident teehee.  
> it'll also be really fucking long, so prepare~ for~ the~ angst~ maybe~
> 
> :)


	3. Insecurity and The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is going to be a bit long, so buckle ur seatbelts and enjoy~ :)

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

THE YEAR OF THE INCIDENT

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"Kageyama?" You took another bite out of your sandwich, looking up at your dad with an inquisitive eyebrow raise.

"Yeah, that's his name. His mom wants me to help you get to know him, since he's going to be new to school this year. And, he's joining the volleyball team too," He nodded, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Oh, cool. Oikawa and Iwaizumi will get to know him too, then," You grinned, mouth full regardless. Once you had finished your sandwich, you dusted your hands and put your plate in the sink to be washed, and sighed.

"So I'm meeting him today? Why the day right before school? That's so awkward."

"He's nice, (Name), he's just quiet and I'm sure his mom wants him to feel more comfortable. This is a favor," He narrowed his eyes at you, but grinned cheekily.

"Okay then. We can play volleyball or something I guess."

On the bus ride to the park you would always go to, you looked in your backpack to make sure you had a volleyball, and a couple of drinks and snacks. You had packed a variety of things, not knowing what the other kid would like best. And so when the bus stopped, you hopped off and began walking towards the sand volleyball court in the park.

It was fairly quiet since it was midday on a Sunday, and you noticed one person by the benches near the court already. With black hair, blue eyes, and a quiet demeanor, you already knew that was who you were looking for.

"Hi! Kageyama-san?" You tilted your head and he turned to look straight at you, his facial expressions unchanged.

"Hi, yeah. You must be (Surname)-san," The corners of his lips turned upwards into a small smile, and he bowed.

"Yeah! I heard you're gonna be new to Kitagawa, and the volleyball team. That's really cool!" You smiled back at him, and he nodded.

"Thanks. Sorry about this by the way, my mom is really annoying," He shook his head in annoyance, and you stifled a laugh.

"No worries. So, why'd you choose Kitagawa?" You asked, sitting down on the benches and motioning for him to sit down next to you.

"Well, mostly because of volleyball. And because I need better grades apparently to get into a good highschool later," He groaned and this time, you laughed.

"Don't worry, I totally get it. Have you liked any highschool? Or have you not given it thought."

"Shiratoraizawa. One-hundred percent."

"Damn, that's ambitious," You smiled a little as he nodded.

"Yup, but we'll see. What about you?" He inquired.

"Aoba Johsai. They have a really good volleyball team for girls, and it seems laid back I think in terms of schoolwork," You sighed, "Math really sucks. By the way, do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Oh yes please. Do you have milk? Or meat buns?" He grinned and you laughed at his expression.

"Lucky for you, I have both. I also brought myself juice, if you want any," You pulled open your bag and handed him a milk carton and a small box that contained two meat buns.

"Thanks so much," He said gratefully, already poking a hole in the milk carton for the straw, and you sat back.

"No problem!"

___

"You hung out with _who_?" Oikawa raised a brow, as you, him, and Iwaizumi walked to the gymnasium after the first day back.

"Kageyama. He's a first year now, he's nice. He's joining the club today. Apparently he's really good," You pointed out as you rummaged through your backpack for a snack, but not finding one, and you noted Oikawa scoffing. Hearing you talk so highly about someone else that wasn't him or Iwaizumi made him feel strange, and he picked up his pace.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm probably still better," Oikawa gave a small smirk towards the both of you, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at him in clear annoyance.

However, as the three of you had just opened the doors of the gymnasium, a fast stream-lined volleyball was slammed on the side of the net opposite to the person who had slammed it, echoing within the walls of the gymnasium itself.

"That's Kageyama-san," You waved at the boy as he caught his breath, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi stood there annoyed. The first year had done a quick, clean serve, with almost no effort at all, to their surprise.

"Hi (Surname)-san."

"I'm Oikawa," Oikawa walked up to the boy and looked down at him, with narrowed eyes and a fake smile. Kageyama stopped in his tracks from walking to get the ball and looked up at the other boy, dipping his head slightly in assent, the smile he had when he greeted you only faltering slightly.

"Nice to meet you."

"Same."

The afternoon continued with practicing bumping the ball and receiving for the boys, while you sat and worked on the little homework you had been given on your first day back at school, the last year you'd have in middle school. Even during practice, you noticed Oikawa pointing out a couple of things to Kageyama, his fake smile still plastered on his face, which you could only laugh at.

Though Oikawa would never admit it to anyone, he was annoyed, and intimidated. The first year was already showing off with his clean serves and observant receives, and had already even mentioned he had won a couple small volleyball competitions during the year prior, leaving Oikawa impressed in a way he didn't want to be.

But Oikawa wasn't set on disliking him just yet. He wanted to see how he did throughout the year and form his opinions afterwards. However, as for at that moment, Oikawa was very much annoyed.

After practice was over and many of the team had already gone home, you, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa began walking home. Iwaizumi was complaining about his two-page English homework, even though the three of you were almost fluent in it since you had taught them a lot of it since you were little. They were also somewhat knowledgeable of Spanish, since you were pretty coherent in that language as well, seeing as your mom was originally Argentinian. It was already dark out when the three of you hopped on the familiar bus, taking a seat and relaxing.

"Practice was fun today which was nice, I think the team will be really good this year," Iwaizumi noted with a small grin, and rummaged through his backpack to get earbuds to listen to music. Oikawa nodded.

"Definitely. We could finally beat Shiratoraizawa," He smiled to himself, and you laughed a little at his comment.

"Duh. Plus you guys are volleyball gods. You got this," You added, ruffling their hair to which they swiped your hand away with feigned annoyance, making the three of you laugh.

"Did you see Kageyama though? He seems really focused," Iwaizumi suddenly asked quietly, earning a frown from Oikawa.

"Yeah. He was pretty silent at practice. But he's really nice," You shrugged, to which Oikawa finally sighed in annoyance again.

"Meh, he's good. We'll see I guess."

"Mhm."

—

Oikawa's opinion never did end up changing, really.

It was now later in the year, and you were arriving home with Kageyama walking by your side, gushing about a new game that came out on your gaming console. Kageyama was merely listening, but he was interested nonetheless as he owned the same console of his own.

"So anyways, I told you this new character in XOA? Literally looks like me. And acts like me, a little. Isn't that insane?" You laughed, shaking your head, "She's my favorite now."

"She'd be my _least_ favorite," Kageyama gave a small laugh and cheeky smile, and you rolled your eyes as you got to the door of your house.

"Anyways, thanks for walking me home. See you next Friday at your house again? I'll bring milk and cake batter, we can make one of those box cakes," You mentally drooled at the thought of the cake, and he smiled a little, shrugging.

"Sure thing. Just let me know then, as usual," He gave you a little wave and walked off, stuffing his hands back in his pockets as it was a breezy, cool day.

You closed the door behind you as you made your way inside your house. Walking towards the living room and plopping down on the couch, you rested your feet on the coffee table in front of you, smirking a little to yourself. Your dad wasn't home for the week, so you took advantage of it wherever you could.

However, not even a couple minutes after coming home, your phone rang with the familiar ringtone that signified the one and only Tōru was calling.

"Hi, what's up," You leaned back on the couch, turning on the TV but keeping it on a low volume so you could hear the voice speaking through the phone.

"I wanted to know if you want to come over later to hang out with me and Iwa-chan. We're playing Wii Sports, and we want to compete against you in bowling, since you're _kinda_ _maybe_ alright at it," He inquired, and you could almost see him grinning at the end of his cheeky statement.

"Shut up, Tōru. You're ass at everything in Wii Sports. You literally send the bowling ball the wrong way every time, how does anyone even do that by _accident_?" You retorted, and heard an annoyed sigh from the other end of the line, making you snicker.

"Whatever (Name)-chan, if you win I'll treat you to (Favorite Pastry) from that bakery we all went to a couple weeks ago. We'll go tonight if we got time, actually, but if I win, you're getting me my favorite."

"Milk bread?"

"No shit."

"Okay Lame-kawa, I'll be there in an hour," You groaned and ended the call before he could make another cheeky remark, as you stood up again from your comfortable position, turned off the TV you had just turned on, and made your way to your room.

Rummaging though your closet, you picked out a comfortable outfit for the rest of the day since you had originally been wearing a less comfortable one to hang out with Kageyama. Deciding on a pair of navy blue sweats, large brown t-shirt that fit you in a baggy way, and some white sneakers, you put them on and threw your dirty pair of jeans and shirt in the hamper.

After that and watching a couple episodes of one of your favorite anime that you had started a week ago (per the recommendation of Iwaizumi), you grabbed the keys to your house and walked out, locking the door behind you, and made your way to Oikawa's house. The walk was short, and you stuffed your keys in your pocket as you made it to the front of his house, where the door was already slightly propped open.

You closed the door behind you as you walked in, and heard a bunch of yelling and stomping coming from Iwaizumi in Oikawa's room, and the familiar sounds of the Wii music. It made you laugh to yourself, toeing off your shoes and making your way upstairs, as you didn't see anyone else was around.

"You idiot, you threw the bowling ball _backwards_. You're terrible," Iwaizumi groaned and hid his face in his hands, and Oikawa folded his arms as you opened the door.

"Oh look, hey (Name)-chan," Oikawa turned to look at you with pleading eyes, "Tell Iwaizumi he's being mean."

"No," You grinned at him as he molded his face into a glare, and Iwaizumi fist-bumped you in satisfactory agreement.

"Rude-asses."

Iwaizumi took the controller from Oikawa and ended up hitting a spare, earning an annoyed look from Oikawa and a small whoop from you. "Nice, Haji!"

"Thanks dumbass," He smirked, handing you the controller so you could play your turns against them. You stuck your tongue out a little in concentration, and jerked your arm and wrist forward. Your eyes lit up both because of the screen display, and because of the result.

_Strike_!

"This is rigged, and I hate it," Oikawa shook his head at you, while you did a small little dance with a small smile plastered on your face to annoy him even further, although he had a small blush forming on his cheeks.

As the rest of the day played out, the three of you spent hours going at each other on Wii Sports, but in the end, you beat Oikawa and Iwaizumi eight times while they only beat you twice, mostly in fault to Oikawa's terrible aim in the game.

"Guess you owe me that pastry now, huh?" You jeered at him, as he scowled and stood up from his comfortable spot on his bed, playfully punching you as you blocked his small hits.

"Sure, whatever. Let's get walking then," He smiled, stopped and opened the door to his room, leading the three of you out to go to the bakery as he had promised.

The evening was really nice and cool, breezy much like the morning was, and super fresh. As the three of you walked to the bus a little ways from your neighborhood, you talked about school, volleyball, and the subject of your YouTube channel eventually came up as you all took a seat.

"Yeah, well, I miiiight be getting a collab soon with Makie. She's so good," You excitedly talked to them, explaining how if this collaboration on a new cover went well, you could potentially get a ton of exposure on the platform since the other creator was so popular, especially in Japan.

"That's really cool! Can't wait to hear about it after. Remember us when you're super famous, okay?" Oikawa grinned and you laughed.

"Nah, but thanks though. I'll make sure I _never_ contact you again," You teased, and he stuck his tongue out at you, Iwaizumi laughing a little at his friend's expression.

———

Once the bus stopped by the small conglomeration of restaurants and shops in an area, Oikawa lead you and Iwaizumi to the small bakery next to a sushi restaurant, opening the door for both of you and settling on a booth inside.

"So, Haji, how's it going with Asuka in your math class? She seems to be interested in you, you know," A small smirk began gracing your lips as you saw his face tinged a slight red color, making Oikawa gasp in surprise. He thought there was absolutely no way his friend had liked anyone.

( _He was personally offended_ ).

He shook Iwaizumi and narrowed his eyes.

"You didn't tell me you liked a girl Iwa-chan! What's she like, huh?" He asked eagerly, almost looking like a puppy wagging its tail, and Iwaizumi shoved him off.

"I don't! She's just nice to me, I dunno why (Name) thinks that. Who do you like, _huh_?" Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at you but crossed his arms, amusement lingering on his facial features. Now, it was your turn to blush a little, and you shook your head.

It wasn't that you didn't like anyone, or that you very much did, but you had found yourself interested in your very best friend. None other than Mr. Oikawa Tōru. However, since the three of you would be going to senior high next year and may not go to the same school, and the fact that you maybe don't really want to ruin the friendship you already have with him, you kept it pretty secret. Iwaizumi had his suspicions though, already slightly confirming as he eyed the uneasiness you radiated when he had put you on the spot in front of the chocolate haired boy.

"Shut up Haji, you already know I don't like anyone," You shot him a glare, kicking his knee from under the table and he glared back.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Psh, wouldn't be surprised if it was Kageyama or something."

( _Um, what?_ )

Oikawa glanced at your face, noting that it was slightly red ( _although, that was only the remnants of when you were thinking of him_ ). He took it as though it was a response to Iwaizumi's statement, and his expression became unreadable, his mind littered with annoyance and somewhat jealousy he couldn't understand.

"Really (Name)-chan? No wonder you guys walk together all the time," He laughed a little, and Iwaizumi gave him a side-glance, realizing his friend had took it somewhat to heart.

You however, were flustered as fuck, trying to make sure Oikawa didn't get the absolute wrong idea.

"He's lying, Oikawa. Kageyama's just a really good friend, we don't hang out because I like him. That's just dumb," You murmured the last part, thinking about how you liked _Oikawa_ for just the opposite. You liked him because of the amount of time you've spent together, the adventures you've gone on, the whole shmuck.

Oikawa pretended to be unfazed the rest of the night, however he could feel the random nagging She likes Kageyama, the person you literally don't like at all and Kageyama doesn't even deserve that ruminating in his mind.

It wasn't just that anymore, too. The first year had taken a large interest in the position of being setter after seeing Oikawa's skill and expertise at work in a game, and he then realized his talents in how good he could set a ball. He could pin-point it to the exact location he wanted it to be. And, Oikawa hated it. Not just because of how good he was, but because it was natural. No matter how hard Oikawa tried and practiced, he could never be like that.

And, Oikawa _hated_ it.

But most of all, strangely enough as it was, he **_hated_** the weird feeling in his heart that twisted and turned at the thought of you liking someone like Kageyama.

( _Or, anyone at all, really._ )

"Anyways, I'll go get our desserts and stuff," Oikawa finally said, shooting the two of you a smile and getting up to walk, his smile dissipating the second he turned around.

Upon his departure from the booth, you fiddled with your flip phone for a little bit, looking through the contacts, until Iwaizumi decided to bother you a little.

"So, you like him," He eyed your mouth-agape expression, and you quickly shook your head, waving your hand.

"Haji, no. I can't like him, he's our best friend and that's just weird, you know?" You stated uneasily, your eyes shifting to Oikawa standing in line to get the pastries.

"Well, I'll tell you what. You have three years left, AKA senior high, until we all leave to go off to who knows where for the future. So maybe who knows, he'll like you back within that time?" He offered, his facial expressions softening. Iwaizumi felt sympathy for you, understanding the feelings conflicting you somewhat.

"And then what, though? He leaves to go pro for volleyball somewhere or to college and where would I go? The chance we end up in the same place is so slim, and it's already gonna be hard enough not being around the two of you idiots," Your head was going through thought process after thought process, something that already would occur in late nights. The amount you thought about different scenarios was utterly unhealthy.

"Then I guess you'll never know, but I personally think you should at least _try_. And hey, it'll give you more of a reason to cheer for us when we go to nationals," He said smugly, but his confidence and proud scruff nature radiated towards you, and you laughed.

"Yeah, true. Thanks Haji, I'll think about it," You gratefully smiled at the spiky-haired male, then flitting your eyes back and forth from Oikawa's figure returning with the pastries in hand in a brown paper bag.

"Hope you guys weren't depressed without me~," Oikawa joked, placing the bag on the table as he took out the contents, handing you your pastry with a small smile.

"Thanks, we _sure_ did miss you Shitty-kawa," You quipped, a grin extending across your face as he feigned a hurt expression.

"You sound like Iwa-chan, shut up," He laughed, settling down opposite you and next to Iwaizumi, grabbing his milk bread and handing Iwaizumi a chocolate croissant. He took a bite, and then another, savoring the sweet bread.

"I'll make you some milk bread sometime if you'd like, or we could all make it together, since you seem to like it so much," You glanced over his obvious love for the bread and he looked up at you, as if he had stars in his eyes. Placing his palms on the table, he nodded his head indefinitely.

"Yes~! Ugh, that sounds so fun and yummy," He sighed, already imagining the warm bread, although he was currently eating it. The sight made you and Iwaizumi laugh, poking some fun at Oikawa to no end.

——

After spending the rest of the evening together, Oikawa offered to walk you home with Iwaizumi, since the two of them would be having a sleepover. You had been invited to that as well of course, but since you were already so tired, you decided to just stick with going straight home. So, the three of you began walking again towards the familiar bus stop, the lights of the small town and the moon illuminating the way there.

"I was researching about astrology stuff earlier, and did you know I'm a Cancer sun since I was born on July 20?" Oikawa stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, a cheeky look on his face, "It's the best zodiac."

"Oh really? What's mine and Haji's?" You inquired, interested, _especially_ upon seeing the way Oikawa's face lit up at your remark.

"You'd be a (Your Zodiac Sun)! Which, is very cool. I'm cooler though _regardless_ , of course. Iwa-chan's a Gemini sun. He's also a Gemini moon and Virgo rising, which is funky, but totally explains his behaviors," He declared excitedly, and you laughed.

"There's multiple thingies? That's cool. What moon and rising sign are you?" You asked, curiosity getting the best of you, seeing as how passionate he was about space-related topics.

( _You had to stop yourself from thinking about his cute excited face_ ).

"I'm a Sagittarius moon and Libra rising. My moon sign kind of carries my birth chart, that one is the _best_ ," He bragged in a sing-song voice, Iwaizumi just looking at him with playful annoyance.

The rest of the time on the way back, you spent talking about astrology and birth charts, the stars in the sky and complaining about the clouds that eventually covered them. Finally arriving to your house, Oikawa sighed in longing.

"I can't wait to get my drivers license when I'm 18. We could all go to Tokyo together or something. Or run away," He said the last part with a mischievous smirk, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry Stupid-kawa, I'll make sure everyone is off the road when you're driving," He asserted with amusement written all over his face, and Oikawa nudged him.

"You too. Your road rage would be _immaculate_ ," Oikawa got a laugh out of all three of you, and then held out his hand to you, "Let me open the door for you, where's your keys?"

You felt a blush creep over your face and you turned your head as to look through your pocket for the keys, fished them out, and handed them to him without looking at his eyes directly.

_This boy, ugh._

"Thanks, Tōru," You gave him a toothy grin, and all he could think about in that moment, for no reason whatsoever, was how grateful he was for you, and how perfect his name sounded coming from you. His fifteen-year-old mind began to wander everywhere, until he noticed Iwaizumi sneaking glances at him from the side with a knowing smirk plastered on his face, and he cleared his throat.

"Um, yeah! No problem at all. You're very welcome," He mumbled, giving you a quick hug along with Iwaizumi and waving as they left.

You, on the other hand, the second the door closed you ran upstairs to your room and flopped on your bed, clutching your chest.

_Yikes, all he did was open the door for you. Chill._

You cleared your mind for a while by playing on your Xbox console for a few hours, however he still lingered on your mind even afterwards. Clambering over to your window, you moved the curtains to a side and peered out in the direction of his house.

A lamp light seemed to be on in his room and you could barely make out the shadows of them hanging out together. You sighed and closed the windows, feeling kind of creepy in general, and grossed out by the idea that you may actually have a crush on your childhood best friend.

It _sucked_.

——

And it was a **big** problem.

Near the middle to end of the year, Oikawa had gotten distant from you, for reasons you didn't understand and didn't want to ask. Slowly, over time, he began becoming less and less inclined to message you or reach out for you, until finally he would leave you on read, or delivered. You didn't have the heart to ask him why.

Even when Iwaizumi would ask to hang out, Oikawa seemed distant and more hesitant to talk to you than anything else. The last time you had had a good time with them was from a class field trip day to Tokyo earlier in the year that to you, now seemed forever ago. Iwaizumi took notice of the distance increasing between the two of you as well, and attempted once or twice to bring it up with Oikawa, who simply shut down the questions with vague replies.

So, instead, you found yourself hanging out with Kageyama more and more as the year went on, telling him all about the problems regarding your best friend and now very prominent crush ( _although you believed it was very unreciprocated_ ). Kageyama, if anything, was a great listener and even better at giving advice for situations, allowing for you to speak your mind and responding with care, which was kind of strange for him him as a first year to do.

And when it was your turn to give him advice, it was almost always about volleyball and the things you had learned from Oikawa, as he refused to talk to Kageyama these days and barely gave you the time of day as well.

Finally then, it was time for a game against Shiratoraizawa, a school you knew your very own despised in terms of Volleyball rivalry. You prepared Kageyama as best you could, taking days to practice with him and prepare yourself for your very own tournaments as well, since you had stopped practicing with your partner when he became so distant.

The day of the match came, and you walked with Kageyama to the school, slinging his bag of extra gym items over his shoulder, and making sure he had his knee pads and other such miscellaneous things.

"Are you feeling confident?" You asked tentatively, looking directly at the boy who was now your height, and he nodded.

"Yep. I think I can help us win, or at least take a set from them," He shot you a small smile, and you smiled back at the raven-haired male.

Walking into the gymnasium, you immediately noticed Iwaizumi's spiky hair near one side of the gym that was notably designated for your middle school's players, which was also when you felt a pair of eyes on you as well.

You shifted your eyes to the person tying their shoes next to Iwaizumi, and saw that Oikawa had his eyes trained on both you and Kageyama, his facial expressions telling you everything yet nothing about his emotions. He suddenly turned his head away, and you scratched your neck uncomfortably, bid Kageyama good luck and to tell Iwaizumi the same ( _although you had called him earlier to say so_ ), and went to sit up on the stands.

Watching your team play was a wonderful way to gain experience yourself in terms of observing sneaky plays and strong servers, such as Oikawa himself. Whenever he was up to serve, you couldn't do anything but helplessly watch with sadness and longing for the friendship he and you had been ruining with lack of contact. But you didn't know why, and it was frustrating you every time you saw him, heard his voice, and felt his presence in the room.

The first set was taken by the other school, a powerhouse school of course, and you could notice the frustration in Oikawa's face every time a serve wouldn't land or whenever the spikes that were created from his seemingly perfect sets were shut down.

And then, it happened. You really didn't know how to feel, the second that Kageyama was called in to replace Oikawa as setter in the game. The bitterness, sadness, and longing to stay in the game were written all over Oikawa's face, as he was forced to stay out and watch as his junior took the next set as he was able to set the _perfect_ sets - ones that _landed_ \- which only infuriated Oikawa even more.

If someone were to be taking a peek into Oikawa's mind at that point, all they would see is red color rage, green color jealousy, and purple color insecurity. It wasn't a pretty sight, and it was all it took for him not to start breaking down right then and there. His final chance to prove himself, to steal the set, to be what he had strived to be all of middle school - was utterly _gone_. It disappeared, and he was so afraid of his limitations that he was quiet, silent, the rest of the match. This, you noted, and you were worried.

You and Kageyama left after that match, as both of you didn't want to face Oikawa, especially because your school lost again as well. He had won the Best Setter award though, and you asked Iwaizumi to congratulate him for you. Iwaizumi was concerned about you, about the friendship between the two of you, and of your friendship with Oikawa, but he kept that to himself as well, extremely worried especially in the aftermath of the match.

It _scared_ him.

——

Because he knew Oikawa would finally snap.

It was a perfectly wonderful day in terms of weather, but as you came out of your classes that Friday afternoon, you felt inside something was wrong. Especially the second you received a call from Kageyama on the bus ride home, your phone buzzing in your pocket as if it were telling you, _Warning! Problem has arisen._

"(N-Name), can you talk?" His voice rang out clear on your end of the phone, but you could feel the waver in his tone and that something was wrong. You gripped your phone a little tighter in your hand, visibly grimacing.

"Yeah of course, what's up?" You inquired, sitting yourself down on the bus.

"Do you mind if I come over instead? I kind of need a friend right now," He sniffled on the other end, and your facial features softened.

"Sure thing, I'll even have some milk and meat buns out for you."

"Thanks."

When you finally arrived home and were getting out the snacks, the doorbell rang and you opened it quickly, finding a slightly red-eyed Kageyama. The two of you looked at each other for a moment, only a split second really, and it was almost as if you could feel the pain radiating from him. You weren't really the best at comforting people, but you led him inside and sat him down on the couch, gave him his snacks, and waited patiently to listen to him, like the way he always listened to you.

"Well," He began, clearing his throat so it wouldn't crack, "I don't want to alarm you with what I'm going to tell you."

You raised an eyebrow at this, and shrugged, "I don't care. Tell me what's wrong."

"Oikawa, um, sort of almost hit me."

You looked at him with a face of disbelief and bewilderment, and he stared back, his eyes brimming with tears. That was not anything like what you had expected him to say, and you didn't know what to reply back with. Kageyama took notice of your lack of words, the expression on your face, and he talked for you.

"I-I don't know what I did for him to hate me that much. Sure, I expected him being annoyed as always, and maybe I wasn't _good_ enough during the game, but..."

"Not that," You finished for him, and he nodded, tears quietly falling down his face as he sipped his milk. You shook your head, your mind clouded with a variety of emotions, but three were very prominent of those.

Anger. Sadness. Disappointment.

 _Fuck_.

"That's not fair. Frankly, he's being the biggest asshole in the history of mankind. You're literally his teammate, what the hell. I'm tired of his shit, I don't even know what's going on with him or us, and now him treating you like this too? Nah. I don't think so," You rambled, your eyes shining with piercing anger and Kageyama swore if looks could kill, Oikawa would be so dead if he was here.

"It's fine, really (Name), I'm just glad it's almost the end of the year so I won't have to deal with it anymore," He murmured, and for the first time you could hear the tiredness laced in his voice, and understood that it was a result of days upon days of dealing with the other setter's quips, disrespectful remarks, and now, almost even physical violence.

"So, before I do anything crazy, why didn't he end up hitting you?" You rested your arm on your knee and propped up your chin with the palm of your hand, attempting to calm down all the emotions bubbling inside of your mind.

"Iwaizumi stopped him. He seemed mad. Like, really mad. And I can tell Oikawa felt _somewhat_ bad, which is why it's fine. I know he knows it was wrong, but doesn't make it acceptable anyways," Kageyama shrugged, wiping away any remnants of tears on his face.

"Good for Hajime. I'll talk to Oikawa when he gets home, I've needed to talk to him anyways," You mumbled, and Kageyama gave you a small, knowing look.

"I know you like him, (Name). That's why I didn't really want to tell you this, but since you're my friend... you're _kind_ of the only one I can talk to," He whispered guiltily, "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be. Um, let me call Hajime, So, I'll see when Oikawa is home so I can talk to him. Both about this, and about whatever the hell has been going on between us. I need to know," You confirmed, and began selecting Iwaizumi's contact on your phone, the loud ringing echoing in the living room of the house.

"Oh, (Name). Hey," Iwaizumi's voice seemed a little strained and tired, and you groaned.

"Hi. Do you know when Oikawa will be home? If he's there, please don't mention anything yet. He'll probably try avoiding me, but I need to talk to him," You stated bluntly, but with a bit of urgency in your voice.

"He's not here right now, I'm closing up the gym with the coach, actually. I assume you know what happened since you called? Everyone got excused from practice, so he'll be home in like 15 minutes maximum," He replied, and on the other end, although you couldn't see, his face had a mixture of emotions written all over. Most specifically, pained for his friend's insecurity and yesterday's loss.

"Thanks, Haji. You're a really amazing friend, by the way. Thank you for everything," You smiled on your side, and you could almost see the small smile that he had on his face as you heard his voice become a little less saddened.

"So are you, (Name). Good luck with that, he's an unpredictable one. Must be his _Cancer mercury_ ," Iwaizumi quipped, making you both laugh until you had to catch your breaths, said goodbye, and ended the call.

You stared at you phone for a minute, seeing Oikawa's contact under Oinkawa, the contact name he absolutely hated and had insisted you change immediately after putting it on your phone. Just that made your mood worsen, tears threatening to form in your eyes. You blinked them back however, and looked up at Kageyama, who was texting absentmindedly to someone.

"I'm going over to his house in 15 minutes. Do you want to come, or would you rather not?" You asked, and upon seeing the discomfort crossing his face when you suggested him coming, you waved your hand.

"Don't come actually, I know it sucks. I'll be back later though, hopefully after making amends or some shit," You shrugged, and Kageyama nodded, "Just don't blow up the place while I'm gone. My dad will be home in a few days and I need this place spotless as fuck."

So, after fifteen minutes had passed, you nervously fixed yourself to make yourself at least somewhat presentable ( _though, you were still in the school uniform, so you guessed that was good enough_ ), and walked out the house and over to Oikawa's. The light was on in his room, as the sky was mostly dark already.

Ringing the doorbell and biting the inside of your cheek in nervousness, you eventually heard footsteps approaching the door, and braced yourself for Oikawa's strong-ass presence.

Though, upon opening the door, your heart felt so pained by his state.

The underside of his eyes were red and puffy, and his eyes themselves reflected a mixture of emotions. His face looked saddened, and you felt yourself wanting to comfort him, to console him.

But that wasn't what you were there for, and recently, you didn't think he'd do the same for you.

"Hi, Oikawa," You started nervously, and although you didn't notice, his frown deepened further after being called by his last name, something you hadn't done the whole time you had been friends.

"Hi, (Surname)," He sighed, looking at you with a judging gaze, almost as if asking you, _What the hell are you doing here?_

"Can we talk? Right now?" You fidgeted with the corner of your uniform vest, especially after seeing his eyes narrowing at you, and his non-use of the -chan. His heart felt heavy.

He knew deep inside what exactly you were here for. After all, he was the one avoiding you in the halls, leaving your messages unanswered, ignoring you when with Iwaizumi, and hurting your close friend. He closed his eyes for a second, and for the first time, he felt scared.

So much weight was placed on those five words that he felt his insides twist and turn in the worst way possible.

It wasn't like he hated you, but you didn't know that, of course. To be honest, it was anything but that. His insecurity had blinded him to the point where all he saw was Kageyama when he looked at you. The genius in a talent ( _with you, it was being perfectly blessed musically_ ). The eagerness to do the best you can. And the jealousy he felt looking at both of you, seeing two naturals in their natural element, while he worked so hard in a futile attempt to be just like you and Kageyama. Avoiding you was best, he had decided, although his heart kept screaming otherwise. He opened his eyes after the second had passed.

"Okay. About...?" He trailed off, stepping outside and closing the door behind him, folding his arms in front of him. You swallowed the dry lump in your throat.

"Well, first of all, what happened earlier with Kageyama-" You began, but were cut off by Oikawa's angry tone.

"That's not your concern."

He took two steps forward. You exhaled a sharp breath, furrowing your brows.

"Not my _concern_?" You scoffed, and it was your turn to fold your arms, "He's my _friend_. What happened, Oikawa? Why did you do that?"

Oikawa felt threatened, exposed, and disappointed in himself for disappointing you on all levels. However, he retorted with anger, all over the defensive and offensive.

"You really want to know? Just take a look at _yourself_. You both have so much talent, and you **waste** it all. You're so lucky, so good at what you do, and you take it for fucking granted," He groaned, seeing your face contort into anger.

"You think I don't _practice_? What the hell do you think I'm doing when I'm blowing off hanging out with you and Haji, _huh_? All I ever do is practice! Oikawa, you can't keep taking it all out and projecting your insecurities on me, or Kageyama! What is _wrong_ with you?" You shouted at him now, regardless of the two of you being in front of his house. Oikawa was now hurt, mad it only fueled him further.

"I'm not insecure."

"Yeah, you are."

"And you're an _idiot_ , (Surname). A huge one. You're so in **_love_** with your little friend that you two are exactly the _fucking_ same. You're the insecure one, coming after me to ask me to apologize or some shit," He snarled and loomed over you, ending his sentence with an audible _ugh_.

You were now really, _really_ fucking mad. Livid, but it's also what caused you to lose sense of your words, which is why you took a step back, and said-

"-I'm in _**love**_ with you, you fucking idiot! Why do you think I'm even here? And all you're doing is insulting me and your teammate. Goddamn," Your eyes filled with tears, and you balled your hands into fists, "I thought you'd be more accepting to your flaws."

Oikawa shut up.

In that split second, all he could think about was the words that came out of your mouth. _You? In love with him?_ All he could do was blink in surprise and attempt to regain his composure.

He was the biggest ass of all time. And, he knew it, looking at the tears falling down your face. Once upon a time, he had been your comfort, your place to cry when the world hurt you. But now, it wasn't the world.

It was _him_ , and that made him the most hurt out of anything you could have possibly said.

His heart was at this point urging at him to reciprocate, to apologize, to do anything to help cease the tide of tears that took over you, although you remained strong, straight faced, and stood up to him.

_She's lying to you, idiot._

But he couldn't do that. His insecurities wouldn't let him.

"You're a _liar_. You know what? Even if you really do, you really think I'd **care**? You're supposed to be my friend, nothing else," He forced his words out like bomb fragments, each one piercing your heart.

That was when you knew, you were so wrong. Every moment you had spent with him; from practicing guitar, to playing games as kids, to finding small spots to have adventures, to every moment you thought you had a chance with your best friend. You had felt _sparks_ , and you now understood he never felt the same.

By the looks of it as well, he had no intent on _ever_ doing so.

And if that didn't hurt you enough, what hurt the most was that you really believed he simply just didn't care. About you, about the memories, about _anything_.

"Okay."

He was so shocked by his own words that had left his mouth previously, he couldn't even look you in the eyes at this point, staring at a patch of grass on the ground in order to avoid the pained expression on your face, the wet tears fresh on your cheeks, and the betrayal and disappointment in your eyes.

"Goodbye, Oikawa. I don't even _know_ you anymore," You eventually announced disgustedly after what felt like an eternity of unwelcome silence, something that was already so familiar to you.

The chocolate haired male looked up at you now, wincing at the words. Guilt swirled in his stomach as his eyes shifted to yours, and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, _anything_ , but nothing came out.

His conscious was so hurt, his head was a jumble of emotions and regret, and he understood he couldn't do anything else. He watched you turn around, feeling almost frozen in place. Before you could walk off though, you rummaged through your skirt pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, your lips curved into a disgusted and repulsed frown as you swiveled back around to face him.

"Here. Eventually I was going to surprise you with these, so _surprise_!" You shouted mockingly in his face, shoving the paper onto his chest and startling him, "Take Iwaizumi to the game. I hope I don't see you around anymore."

That was when you finally walked off, stuffing your hands in your pockets. It was already dark outside, getting colder, and you gritted your teeth as you picked up your pace, wanting to be as far away from his house as possible before processing all the emotions in your head.

Oikawa still was at a loss for words, his mind processing what was going on at the rate of a _snail_ , and once he finally understood, he raised his head.

"(Name)! Wait, I don't want to lose you over _this_ ," He jogged after you, pleading, tears brimming at his own eyes, and as you began sprinting from him even faster.

"You already did," You screamed back, voice wavering as sobs were threatening to take over.

He finally slowed to a stop and watched as your figure ran towards your house and disappearing inside, slamming the door behind you. He ran his hands through his hair, a string of obscenities leaving his mouth as he really began to cry.

He'd lost his best friend, his partner in adventures, his astrology buddy. He'd lost the one person who never failed to encourage him, who trusted him, who cared about him. He'd lost someone who was in _love_ with him.

He ruined _everything_. He was tired of it, tired of being left behind in the dust, so frustrated with himself and the world.

Oikawa now felt a multitude of emotions washing over his body, and he stumbled to walk back to his own house out of his own displacement in his mind. His sister and mother weren't home at the moment, and for once he was grateful for their absence, as he let out one frustrated sob after another.

His own hands covered his face in embarrassment, in a futile attempt to stop his tears from coming. They wouldn't.

As for you? The second you had closed your door, you leaned against it and slid down to sit on the floor, covering your face with your arms as you cried your heart out that night. You couldn't even feel Kageyama's attempts at comforting you, the warmth of your own body leaving and replacing it with the cold reality of the weight of Oikawa's words.

It was only then that almost at the same time, you and him thought the same thing, making all matters worse and scaring the both of you to the point where it was almost unbearable.

That was it. No more memories together. No more _anything_. It was quits as friends, best friends at that.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n:  
> shit y'all sorry for the small bit of angst anyways chapter 4 coming out soon too. it’ll probably be a little bit less words than this chapter but still have quite a bit of content (and we’ll see some suga ;)).  
> btw, imma just plug my socials in case anyone’s interested, you can find me @ sophialexs on inst, typicalsophi on twt, and radioincolor on tumblr! <3  
> this chapter was a doozy, sorry! see y’all soon :3  
> two more chapters until present day in the story …<3


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